Why Telling Athletes to Just Be Confident Doesn't Work

"Just be confident" is one of the most common pieces of advice athletes hear when they're struggling, but it rarely gives them anything useful to work with. Confidence isn't something you can simply turn on because someone tells you to. When athletes are already doubting themselves, being told to feel confident can create additional pressure without helping them understand what's happening or what to do next. What athletes need isn't always more encouragement to feel differently. They need a process that helps them recognize what's happening, direct their attention, and continue performing even when confidence isn't there.

Why Doesn't Telling an Athlete to Be Confident Work?

Telling an athlete to be confident describes a desired mental state, but it doesn't explain how to develop it or what to do when that feeling is absent. Without a process, the advice can leave athletes trying to force a feeling they cannot directly control.

Imagine an athlete who has made several mistakes during a game. They're frustrated, starting to question themselves, and becoming hesitant with their decisions. A coach notices and tells them, "Come on, you've got this. Just be confident."

The intention is good. The coach wants the athlete to trust their abilities and get back to playing the way they know they can. But from the athlete's perspective, the advice may not provide much direction.

They already want to be confident. They already want to play well. What they don't necessarily understand is why their confidence has changed or how to respond when they're struggling.

Now, in addition to worrying about their performance, they may begin worrying about why they don't feel confident. They know how they're supposed to feel, but they don't know how to get there.

This is an important distinction between encouragement and instruction. Encouragement can help an athlete feel supported, but it doesn't necessarily provide the skills needed to navigate a difficult moment. And when confidence is already fragile, having something practical to work with becomes especially important.

Why Can Trying to Feel More Confident Create More Pressure?

Trying to force confidence can increase pressure because athletes begin evaluating their internal state instead of staying engaged with their performance. The more attention they give to whether they feel confident, the less attention may be available for what they're actually doing.

Athletes often assume confidence should come before good performance. They believe they need to feel certain, relaxed, or mentally ready before they can compete at their best.

When those feelings aren't present, they may start trying to manufacture them. They tell themselves positive things, attempt to eliminate doubt, or repeatedly check whether they're feeling better.

Sometimes those approaches can be helpful. Positive self-talk, for example, can provide direction or reinforce a useful perspective. But when the purpose becomes forcing confidence to appear, athletes can get caught in an unproductive cycle.

Instead of reading the game, making decisions, or responding to their environment, they're monitoring themselves.

Am I confident yet? Why am I still nervous? What if I make another mistake? Why can't I just trust myself?

Their attention has shifted from participating in the performance to evaluating their experience of it.

This is particularly challenging because the athlete may interpret the absence of confidence as evidence that something is wrong. A feeling of uncertainty becomes a problem to solve before they can fully engage.

But confidence isn't a requirement for every effective action. Athletes can make good decisions while feeling uncertain. They can execute skills while nervous. They can respond well to pressure without first eliminating every doubt.

The more useful question becomes whether an athlete can continue performing when their internal experience isn't exactly what they want it to be.

What Actually Happens When Athletes Lose Confidence?

A loss of confidence often involves more than a change in belief. It can influence how athletes interpret situations, where they direct their attention, and how they behave during performance.

Consider a basketball player who misses two open shots early in a game. Initially, those are simply two missed shots. But the athlete may begin attaching meaning to them.

I'm having a bad game. My coach is going to take me out. I can't afford to miss another one.

Those interpretations can create additional internal pressure. The athlete becomes more aware of the consequences of making another mistake, and their attention begins shifting toward avoiding that possibility.

They might hesitate before taking the next shot, pass up an opportunity they would normally take, or become overly focused on their shooting mechanics.

From the outside, it may appear that they've lost confidence. And they may genuinely feel less confident. But what matters is understanding the process unfolding underneath that experience.

The situation has acquired meaning. That meaning has increased pressure. Their attention has changed, and their behavior has followed.

The athlete's underlying ability hasn't necessarily disappeared. What has changed is their access to that ability in the moment.

This is why simply telling them to be confident can miss the problem. It addresses the feeling without helping them recognize the patterns influencing their performance.

When athletes begin understanding those patterns, they have more opportunities to respond intentionally rather than automatically following them.

What Should Athletes Focus on Instead of Trying to Feel Confident?

When confidence is low, athletes benefit from directing their attention toward what they can influence and what the current moment requires. This gives them a practical way to re-engage with performance rather than waiting for confidence to return.

One of the challenges with confidence is that it often becomes tied to things athletes cannot completely control. They want to know they'll perform well, make the right decision, impress their coach, or get the result they're working toward.

But competition doesn't offer those guarantees.

An athlete can prepare thoroughly and still struggle. They can execute a skill correctly and still get an unfavorable outcome. They can make a good decision that doesn't work out.

If confidence depends on knowing things will go well, it's likely to fluctuate as the performance unfolds.

Instead of making confidence the immediate objective, athletes can learn to shift their attention toward something more useful.

For the basketball player, that might mean getting into position, reading the defense, or committing to the next available shot. For a tennis player, it might mean watching the ball, moving their feet, and selecting a target. For a hockey player, it might mean scanning the ice, supporting a teammate, or making the next play.

These actions don't require the athlete to feel completely confident first.

They require engagement.

This doesn't mean ignoring thoughts or emotions. An athlete can recognize that they're frustrated, uncertain, or nervous without making those experiences the center of their attention.

The goal is to understand what's happening internally while continuing to direct attention toward the demands of performance.

And that requires something more specific than being told to think positively or believe in yourself. It requires a process athletes can learn and practice.

How Can Athletes Develop a Process for Responding When Confidence Is Low?

Athletes can develop a more effective response by learning to recognize what's happening internally, understand how it's influencing them, choose where to direct their attention, and re-engage with the performance.

The first part is recognition. Athletes need to become more aware of when their internal experience is beginning to influence how they compete. Maybe they're hesitating, becoming frustrated, overthinking a familiar skill, or worrying about making another mistake.

Rather than immediately trying to eliminate those experiences, they can begin by noticing them.

From there, understanding becomes important. What meaning have they attached to the situation? Are they interpreting one mistake as evidence of a bad performance? Are they trying to protect themselves from disappointing someone? Has their attention shifted toward controlling the outcome rather than participating in the moment?

This understanding helps athletes recognize why their response makes sense, even when it isn't particularly useful.

The next part involves choice. Once athletes recognize what's happening, they can ask themselves a more productive question: What needs my attention right now?

This moves them away from trying to manufacture confidence and toward identifying something they can actually do.

Finally, they re-engage. They commit to the next decision, action, or responsibility, even if the uncertainty hasn't completely disappeared.

This isn't a one-time mental trick. It's a skill developed through repeated practice. Athletes will still become distracted, frustrated, or uncertain. The objective is to become better at recognizing those moments and responding in ways that support their performance.

Over time, this process can also contribute to something more stable than momentary confidence: self-trust.

Why Is Self-Trust More Important Than Always Feeling Confident?

Self-trust allows athletes to rely on their ability to respond to challenges rather than needing certainty that everything will go well. It provides a more stable foundation for performance because it can remain present even when confidence fluctuates.

Confidence often asks, Can I do this?

Self-trust asks, Can I count on myself to respond to whatever happens?

These are related, but they're not the same.

An athlete might feel highly confident before a competition because they've been training well and performing consistently. That confidence can be valuable. But what happens when the competition becomes difficult, the opponent is better than expected, or the athlete makes several mistakes?

If their ability to stay engaged depends entirely on feeling confident, those moments can become destabilizing.

Self-trust is developed through the relationship athletes build with themselves and the ways they repeatedly show up for themselves. It includes taking responsibility for their responses, keeping commitments, acting in alignment with their values, respecting their needs, and staying with themselves through difficulty.

It doesn't mean believing you'll always succeed. It means developing confidence in your willingness and ability to respond, adjust, and continue participating when things don't unfold as expected.

That is an important part of mental performance development. Rather than constantly trying to create the right feeling, athletes become increasingly capable of working with themselves across different experiences.

They can feel confident and compete. They can feel uncertain and compete. They can make a mistake and remain engaged.

Their participation becomes less dependent on having the perfect internal state.

What Should Parents and Coaches Say Instead of "Just Be Confident"?

Parents and coaches can help athletes more effectively by offering support and directing attention toward specific actions, choices, or responses. The goal is not to make athletes feel a certain way, but to help them recognize what they can do next.

This doesn't mean parents and coaches should stop encouraging athletes.

Reassurance, belief, and emotional support are important, particularly when athletes are struggling.

But encouragement becomes more useful when it's paired with something actionable.

Instead of simply saying, "Be confident," a coach might remind an athlete of a specific responsibility: "Keep moving your feet and stay involved in the play."

Instead of "Don't worry about that mistake," they might say, "That play is over. What's your job on the next one?"

A parent speaking with an athlete after a difficult performance might avoid immediately trying to convince them that they played well. They could first listen, acknowledge the disappointment, and help the athlete reflect on how they responded when things became challenging.

The appropriate response will depend on the athlete, the situation, and the relationship. Sometimes athletes need practical direction. Sometimes they need space. Sometimes they simply need to know that their worth and their relationships aren't dependent on how they performed.

What matters is recognizing that support isn't always about changing how an athlete feels.

Often, it's about helping them develop the awareness, understanding, and skills to navigate those feelings themselves.

Final Thoughts

"Just be confident" is usually said with good intentions. Parents, coaches, and teammates want athletes to believe in themselves and perform to their potential. But telling someone how they should feel doesn't necessarily help them understand how to get there.

Athletes need more than reminders to be confident, positive, or relaxed. They need to understand what happens when pressure increases, how their thoughts and emotions influence their attention and behavior, and how to respond when their internal experience becomes challenging.

This is where mental performance training becomes valuable. Rather than chasing a particular mental state, athletes learn to recognize what's happening, work with their internal responses, and direct their attention toward what matters.

Confidence may grow through that process. But perhaps more importantly, athletes begin to discover that they don't have to wait for confidence before they can participate fully.

They can learn to trust themselves to take the next step, even when they don't know exactly how things will turn out.

Ready to Build a More Reliable Mental Game?

Through one-on-one mental performance coaching and The Athlete Within®, Quantum Performance helps athletes understand their internal patterns, develop self-trust, strengthen attention, and learn practical ways to respond to pressure.

Explore mental performance coaching or visit Quantum Performance to learn more.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why doesn't telling an athlete to be confident help?

Because confidence is an internal experience, not a direct instruction an athlete can always follow. Without a practical process, the advice may leave them trying to force a feeling rather than focusing on what they can do.

Can athletes perform well without feeling confident?

Yes. Athletes can make effective decisions, execute skills, and stay engaged while experiencing nervousness, uncertainty, or self-doubt. Confidence can support performance, but it doesn't need to be present before every action.

What should an athlete do when they lose confidence during a game?

Start by recognizing what's happening and where attention has shifted. Then identify what the next moment requires and intentionally re-engage with the task rather than trying to force confidence to return.

What's the difference between confidence and self-trust?

Confidence often involves believing you can perform successfully. Self-trust involves believing you can rely on yourself to respond, adjust, and continue showing up even when things don't go as planned.

How can coaches help athletes who struggle with confidence?

Coaches can combine encouragement with specific, actionable direction. Helping athletes focus on their next responsibility, recognize their responses, and develop skills for navigating difficult moments is often more useful than simply telling them to feel confident.

About Quantum Performance Inc.

Quantum Performance Inc. provides mental performance coaching for athletes based in San Diego, California, working with athletes across the U.S. and internationally through both in-person and virtual coaching. Learn more at https://www.qpathlete.com.

About Kate

Kate Allgood holds two master's degrees in psychology and has more than 16 years of experience working with athletes on mental performance. A former professional hockey player and Division I captain, she has worked with high school, college, Olympic, and professional athletes, as well as professional sports organizations, including the San Diego Gulls, the former primary minor league affiliate of the Anaheim Ducks.

Her work focuses on helping athletes better understand themselves, strengthen their internal skills, and develop greater consistency and freedom in performance. While Kate has graduate training in applied sport psychology and general psychology, she is not a licensed psychologist and does not diagnose or treat clinical disorders.

Disclaimer

The information provided is not to dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique, either directly or indirectly, as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems, without the advice of a physician. The information provided is only to offer educational information of a general nature to help you in your quest for high performance. If you know or suspect you have a health problem, it is recommended you seek your physician's advice.